Paul C Brunson Shares His Tips For Millennial Relationships
If there is one thing Paul Carrick Brunson knows, it’s love. He has been called the “Love Guru,” has written best selling books on the topic, and has even had a show on the OWN network (yes that would be Oprah’s network). So when we had to opportunity to catch up with Paul C Brunson during his Mentor Mondays, we couldn’t help but get some insight on how to make this cuffing season a successful one.
Paul gives us advice on love, relationships and how Grey Goose can seal the deal for any marriage.
Parlé Mag: We all appreciate someone who can help us out in this world of love and companionship, and no one gives us more than you do Paul. Since you are the relationship guru, what are the most difficult dating challenges you hear from men and women, and what advice do you give in order to cope with such challenges?
Paul C Brunson: It’s a little bit different for men and women. For women, number one hands down, women are like, “where are the men?” “Do they exist anymore?” and “Where can I find one?” I think that’s the question I hear the most. And what’s interesting with men, is I get the question, “where can I find the right women?” There’s this psychological belief that there are an endless amount of woman out there, but men are wondering “how can I thwart the waves, and find the right one?” That’s the interesting difference.
The advice I would give to woman is that there are guys out there. We have thousands of guys in our database that have been refereed to us, and these are incredible guys. CEOs, Fortune 1000 company men and blue collar guys. Point is, that they are out there. The number one thing you have to do is change your belief system that they aren’t out there. Because as long as you believe he doesn’t exist for you, you’re right, he doesn’t exist for you. And this not only applies here, but it applies to every aspect of life. The moment you truly begin believing that you can, you’re right, you can! To the guys, I would advise them to stop chasing preferences, and start securing needs. And what’s really important there is that guys come to me with a list, but what are your needs? What are your values? What inspires you in life? Find someone who matches those first, then you can go look for the booty that looks like whatever after.
Parlé Mag: Most men and women are getting married much later in life. Is it due to being career driven or have standards become higher?
Paul C Brunson: All of the above. We believe that there is endless choice, and a lot of us start acting like “maximizers”, and try to optimize every situation. So, when someone comes to us we’re like, “oh he isn’t tall enough,” or “oh he doesn’t look right, so let me hold out for the next guy.” We’re optimizing instead of focusing on what our minimal needs are. Another big reason, is that perception of marriage has really changed. Right now, 70% of millennials believe that there is no longer a value to marriage. They believe I can have children without being married, I can find love and not have to marry this person. Then last but not least, what I have found that the definition of what’s required to enter into a relationship has changed drastically in the past years. We haven’t really been schooled about how we go about choosing a life partner, or what does love look like ? These are critical questions, and some of the most profound questions we can ask ourselves in life [when it comes to choosing partner].
Parlé Mag: It seems because of the internet and social media, that more people are “jumping in” the dating pool. How has the dating scene changed in recent years compared to the last 15 years?
Paul C Brunson: There’s pros and cons to it. Technology has definitely exasperated some of the challenges that we’ve had. For example, the “maximizer” issue. Now people spend hundreds of hours looking through thousands of profiles on online dating websites. But at the same time, it is an unparalleled medium for people to meet. But ultimately, we should not blame technology. It is about accountability. It is about responsibility.And how we take accountability for our own love lives.
Parlé Mag: True or False: Men obsess over not being single as much as women.
Paul C Brunson: Men who are commitment minded, I believe, obsess even more.
Parlé Mag: What advice would you give to those who are ready to take that final step of marriage, and what is the one thing everyone needs to have in order to make it work?
Paul C Brunson: For me it was Grey Goose. But I would say if it is the night before, you should play out the scenario in your mind. Like should I, or shouldn’t I? But if you play it out, and you have a struggle around should you or shouldn’t you, and it’s at the point where you can’t sleep, and you need another outlet to confirm, then I would say you have an issue. Going into the unknown is always going to be scary, because it is the unknown. But at the same time, if you feel like I’m about to do this thing with my best friend, with my partner, with my ace, with someone who I know I’d take a bullet for, then, it really becomes a non-issue. That’s why asking yourself is cool, but if you have a struggle after asking yourself, that’s not cool.
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